Why does everyone keep asking me how I feel about turning 30?

(I’m fine!)

In the final few months of my twenties, I have been constantly asked the same question over and over. Surprisingly, I’m not being asked why I’m not yet engaged, or planning to have kids (apart from by that one coworker who loves to knock me down a peg whilst we are several drinks deep at the work party…yawn). Luckily, most of my friends and family, and the people I surround myself with daily, are respectful of my life and choices and understand that we’re all on our own journeys down paths that look different for each of us. Life is not a race towards a shared destination, with specific milestones that should be achieved by a certain point in time. Maybe those things are for me, maybe they aren’t. Time will tell, and I trust my intuition to take me to the right destination when the timing is right.

Having said that, everyone is dying to know how I feel about turning thirty, as if the days are ticking by until my youth expires and I must be secretly crumbling inside at the thought of it. I’d be lying if I said leaving my twenties behind wasn’t a little daunting - of course it is, I have had some of the best times of my life so far in my twenties. I have been enjoying the freedom that comes with feeling like you have endless time, choices and space to make mistakes.

But my twenties were also a decade of two halves for me. The first half was defined by self-doubt, insecurity and worry. The second half was when I started to discover who I am and trust myself a bit more, although there was still a hell of a lot of self-doubt and insecurity hanging around. If you’ve read my previous post, you’ll know that I feel like I lost a lot of myself to perfectionism, and to people pleasing and constantly putting others’ needs before my own (although that’s a story for another day..). As I’m ageing, those layers are slowly starting to peel away, and I can confidently say that I’m growing into myself and finding peace with who I am and the type of life I want to live. And it feels great.

Of course, as women, we’re sold a lie for our whole lives - our youth is our currency, and when that expires, we retire into irrelevance because we are no longer desirable by men. This narrative is shoved down our throats in the formative decade that is our twenties, causing us to waste precious time and energy worrying about ageing as if it’s something we can keep at bay, if only we spend enough on self-care, beauty and skincare products. That pressure comes from all angles - you should strive in your academic life and career to climb the ladder as quickly as you can, because your biological clock is ticking and you should secure that promotion before you might want to take maternity leave. We are bombarded by this at a time when our energy should instead be channelled into discovering and growing into our adult selves and creating the kind of life we want to live. When we are subconsciously fed this narrative our whole lives, it’s very hard not to get completely caught up in this and to approach ageing with a sense of panic. So I totally get why so many of my friends, family and acquaintances are curious as to how I am coping with this. But I’ve been lucky enough to come across and then repeatedly expose myself to plenty of opposing narratives to that over the course of my twenties.

I never understood the people who would tell me as a teenager that school would be the best days of my life. I always used to think - surely it gets better than this? (spoiler reader - it did!). As I’ve aged, my life has continually improved as I’ve continued to develop my sense of self, find out more about who I am and create the kind of life that feels like peace. I’ve learned to find the joy in my everyday life rather than attaching my happiness to an external goal or accomplishment which I may reach in the future. Of course, things are far from linear, and I have been through plenty of setbacks over the months and years. But I know deep within my soul that I will continue to listen to and honour my inner intuition and self. I feel like my thirties will be a time of finding even more certainty, peace and fulfilment than I have in my twenties.

As I mentioned earlier, I am not trying to pretend that I am completely immune to the pressures of the modern world as I approach this milestone. I often get a niggling voice in my head that tells me that I should have achieved more by now. Younger me assumed that by age 30 I would have bought a house, be married with children, maybe have started my own business, but certainly would feel ‘successful’. I have none of those things right now, and I couldn’t be happier about it. I know that I would be deeply unhappy if I had pursued those things earlier when the person or situation wasn’t right for me. I’ve instead invested in my mental health and wellbeing, which I think has given me routines and systems that will take me through life in a happier and more peaceful state.

But I also know these two things can coexist - I can be confident and happy moving forward as I age and as my life unfolds in front of me, and I can acknowledge that there are niggles and doubts in my mind. I may struggle to get rid of these as a result of the years of conditioning I’ve experienced from growing up in a capitalist society that tries to distract us from self-fulfilment and contentment by making us unhappy and panicked, so that we ultimately keep spending more. I finally trust myself enough to know that the path I’m on is the right one, and that what is meant for me will come in time. And I know I will make the right choices when the time for them arrives. Until then, I’ll be figuring it out as I go, and please follow along for the ride.

So the honest answer? I’m doing ok, and I’m excited to find out what my next decade has in store for me.